A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

Tuneless

The whistling fisherman was always out of tuna.

Spring Follows Winter

This photo of the

Alpine Mountain

makes me think of

the old adage ....

"Hope Springs Eternal"

Dear Diary

Dear Diary:
I called in sick to work today. This cold I've had all week has worn me down to a pile of jelly. Just didn't have the energy to work.
Picked up my daughter at the train station. She is back visiting for the weekend. She stayed with me long enough to get a free meal, then was off with her friends. It kind of hurts when your kids don't want or need to hang around you anymore. But hey, I was young once too. Your parents just aren't party animals, so what's the point. Ha Ha.
Started reading a book by Jonathan Kellerman, Self Defense. Got 4 chapters read and it's pretty good so far. Going to play some on-line poker for fun, then probably get to bed early.
Another exciting day in the life of......

This Day In History

On January 25
1858
Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" was presented for the first time, as the daughter of Queen Victoria married the Crown Prince of Prussia.
1881
Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company.
1905
Great Britain's Arthur MacDonald sets a new land speed record (149.875 miles per hour) at Daytona Beach, Florida.
1939
Filming begins on "Gone With The Wind."
1949
The first Emmys were presented at the Hollywood Athletic Club.
1958
Elvis Presley's "Jailhouse Rock" enter the British music charts at number one - the first single to ever do so.
1961
Answering 31 questions in 38 minutes, President John F. Kennedy holds the first presidential news conference to be aired live on television and radio.
1971
Charles Manson and three female members of his "family" were found guilty of one count of conspiracy to commit murder and seven counts of murder in the first degree. They were all sentenced to life imprisonment for the 1969 killings.
1981
The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived in the United States.
1993
Sears announces that, after 97 years, it will close its catalog sales department.
1993
A gunman shot and killed two CIA employees outside the agencies headquarters in Virginia. Mir Aimal Kansi, a Pakistani national, was later convicted of the shootings.
1998
The Denver Broncos beat the Green Bay Packers 31-24 in Super Bowl XXXII. The Broncos had lost 3 previous Super Bowl appearances with quarterback John Elway.
1999
A Louisville, KY, man received the first hand transplant in the United States.
2001
A minor earthquake hit northeastern Ohio. The quake measured only 4.2 on the Richter Scale.

Flexible

A gymnast was always bending over backwards for people.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my friend Jon, the Bookman.

What is success?
It's the simple harmony
between a man and the life he leads.

Color Analysis

1) What is your favorite color? (I need three adjectives that describe what you like about that color.)
Yellow - sunny, friendly, warm <>

2) Which animal(bird, reptile, fish) do you go see first at the zoo? (I need three adjectives again about what you like about that animal. )
I go see the fish - graceful, calm, beautiful <>

3) What is your favorite body of water? Eg: lake, ocean, river, pool, tub.
(Tell me three adjectives about why you like that body of water.)
Lake - quiet, reflective, natural <>

1)The color is how you see yourself.

2) The animal is how you wish to be seen.

3) Water is the type of sex you prefer.

Hmmm........ very interesting.

Woof Woof

Here's a tasty treat Fido will love!

Homemade Dog Biscuits
6 cups flour2 beaten eggs
4 tsp honey or brown sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup powdered milk
2/3 cup chicken, beef, bacon, or other fat drippings
1 1/4 cup hot water or meat stock
Put hot water or meat stock and melted fat drippings into a large bowl. Stir in powdered milk, salt, honey and the eggs. Add the flour, mixing well after each addition. Knead 3-5 minutes. Be sure to add enough flour to make very stiff dough. Roll to 1/4- to 1/2-inch thickness and cut into shapes. Bake 50 minutes at 350º. Allow to cool and dry before storing in an airtight container. Store these biscuits in the refrigerator to keep them from spoiling.

Sex Facts

All you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid of the answers. (wink)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are more 20-year-old virgins now than there were in the late '50s.

You wouldn't know it from watching Sex and the City, but most women have had fewer than five sex partners. Most men chalk up fewer than 10 sexual conquests in their whole lives.

Both women and men are most likely to have their first orgasm alone.

The US has more laws governing sexual behavior than every country in Europe combined.

A condom will lasts about a month in a wallet before the rubber gets worn down by friction, making it more likely to break.

The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour.

According to a 1996 study, homophobia men show a higher arousal rate when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward homosexuals.

Jews and Atheists have more sex partners than Catholics or Protestants.

A woman sexually peaks in her early 30s, a man in his late teens.

Circumcision for Christian males became widespread after doctors claimed it helped curb self-abuse. (Since this isn't the case, Why is it still happening?)

Thirty percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation.

The average male member in all its glory is six inches long and five inches in circumference.

Seventies porn star Annie Sprinkle claims to have had sex with more than 3,000 men.

The average amount of male ejaculate is about one tablespoon, or 10cc, which is how the bands 10cc and Lovin' Spoonful got their names.

Texas law makes it illegal for a woman to own more than six sex toys.

August and September are the months with the highest level of sexual activity.
Brainy chicks are kinkier.

College grads have more oral sex than high school dropouts, and with with Ph.D's are twice as likely to want a one-night stand than those with bachelor's degrees.

Oral sex is illegal in Arizona, Florida, Minnesota, Louisiana, part of Michigan, North and South Carolina, Utah and Virginia. In Idaho, it can get you life in prison.

Premarital sex was illegal in Connecticut until the late 1960s.

A 15-year old girl in Mississippi can marry without parental consent, but must wait a year to legally have sex with her husband.

One in three men cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. Only 28% of female cheaters get caught.

Fifteen percent of priests and nuns break their vows of chastity.

The vast majority of men come within six minutes of penetration.

The age of consent in the US is primarily between 16 and 18.
However, in liberal Hawaii, 14-year-olds are allowed to have sex as adults.
For centuries, the Catholic church declared "man on top" the only acceptable position for sex. It's called the missionary position because missionaries were to teach it as part of their efforts to "civilize" non-Christian races.

Receiving oral sex is No. 1 on American males' sexual top 10, with straight intercourse, threesomes and groping in the top five.

The biggest wang on record is 12 inches erect.

J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde, Chief Crazy Horse, Pope Paul II and Pope Julius III, Leonard Bernstein, Alexander the Great, Sigmund Freud, Lawrence of Arabia, Plato, Peter Tchaikovsky and Florence Nightingale were all gay or bi.

Until 1972 in the US, homosexuality was officially a mental illness, classified as such along with schizophrenia and multiple personalities.

The average age for both genders for a first sexual experience is 17.

Child Of The 70's

YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70'S IF.....
You wore that rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.
You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven.
You washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.
You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a basket.
You even owned roller skates with metal wheels.
You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute.(Admit it!)
You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
You had rubber boots for rainy/snowy days - remember Moon Boots(you then advanced to Duck Shoes in the 80s)?
You had either a "bowl cut" or a "pixie", not to mention the "Dorothy Ham" because your mom was sick of braiding your hair. How traumatic when people thought you were a boy.
Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple outfits.
You spent hours out back on your metal swing set with the trapeze.
You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.
You even had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle).
You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!
You wanted your first kiss to be at the roller rink.
Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
You carried a Muppets lunch box to school.
You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazard was your boyfriend.
Every now and then "It's A Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.
You had Star Wars action figures, too.
It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
You even asked your Magic-8 Ball the question: "Who will I marry...Shawn Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?"
You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack albums.
You tried to do lots of arts and crafts things, like yarn and Popsicle stick God's Eyes of those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
You made Shrinky-Dinks!
You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape recorder up to the speaker.
You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club.
You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.)
You thought Olivia Newton John's song, "Physical" was about aerobics.
You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.
You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.

Happy Birthday Son

24 years ago on January 17th,
at 12:06 AM an adorable red-head
came into my life.
I named my son Nathaniel.
Happy Birthday Nathan.
I love you!

Chili Time

With the cold snap we've had I decided it was a good time to make a pot of chili. It always warms me up. I saw this joke and had a good laugh about chili.

Our church was planning a chili supper for the homeless, and my wife, Florence, agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program asked Florence how she would describe her chili -- three alarm or four alarm. After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other chili donations, my wife replied, "I guess you'd call mine false alarm."

You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling

========================================================================A Not-So-Loving Feeling
If you found out that your lover was seeing somebody else -- and if you were prone to seeking retribution -- which person would you go after? According to a study by the State University of New York at Albany, it would depend on your gender.
As reported in Violence Victims, the study of court records and surveys of college students showed that while women are most likely to attack their lovers, men are most likely to attack their rivals.
And in spite of the stereotype, love triangles are more likely to drive women to violence than men.

Bubba Goes To A Shrink

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. ? " I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! ?A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"
"Is that so! ?And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now

Zodiac Drinkers

Want to know what kind of a drinker you have on your hands for your Saturday night party? Find your sign below and read up, then nod your head in recognition.
I am a Cancer in case you wanted to know. LOL

ARIES Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
LIBRA Drinking style
"I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
SCORPIO Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool * though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS Drinking style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social ubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative * and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.

Finding The One

What are the odds of finding a perfect mate?

As of today there are approximately 6.6 billion people on the planet.
About 50% are the correct gender for you. (slightly more women, but we’ll ignore that for this) That leaves 3.3 billion.
Since most people will only consider someone within a certain 10 year age range that will knock off another 90%. (I would show the math on this but it’s long so just trust me.)
That leaves 330 million people.
Only 15% of these people will you consider attractive enough to even be dateable.
So now we are down to 49.5 million people.
Of that 49.5 million you will only cross paths with 0.01% in your lifetime, so now we are down to 4950 people.
At the time you do cross paths with those 4950 people, only ¼ will be available to date at that time. Giving us 1238 people.
You will only be available to date them ¼ of the time .. down to 310.
At that moment you meet them ½ will have some instant flaw that will turn you off (ie .. they smoke & you don’t, they are the wrong religion, too short, too tall, etc etc). So now you’re stuck with 155 people.
Of those 155, 75% of these people will need to be eliminated because of some flaw you found out at a later time; these are some the people you have actually dated. (They shoot heroin you prefer crack, they just love cats you have an allergy, they’re actually a second cousin & you’re not from West Virginia, they can’t speak proper English, not educated enough, etc etc etc.)
That leaves us 38 people.
Since nobody likes being rejected about 80% of the time one or both of you will blow the chance because you didn’t let the other person know you were even interested. We’ll round this one up to 8 people.
You already dated 7 of them & you blew it.
Good luck finding the other one.


I'm really depressed now. I knew I hated math for some reason.

Star Struck

Telescope
owners
are
starry
eyed.

Iowa Sharpshooter

DES MOINES, Iowa - A bald eagle owes its life to the sharpshooting skills of an Iowa conservation officer. Though the bird has yet to offer any thanks, Jason Sandholdt is getting plenty of recognition from those who saw him use a single bullet last weekend to free the bird from a branch that hung over a cliff at Lake Red Rock.

Sandholdt, who works for the Iowa Department of Natural Resources, responded with state colleagues and county workers after the eagle was found hanging about 60 feet above the lake southeast of Des Moines.
With binoculars, they could see that the bird appeared to have caught a single talon in a knothole in the branch when it landed. Apparently, the bird tried to take off, losing its balance. It hung from the talon, upside down.

Because the eagle was hanging over a cliff and high in the air, ropes and ladders seemed unlikely rescue tools, Sandholdt said. Many in the group thought a mercy killing was the best option.
Sandholdt said he asked for a chance to free the bird with his rifle, figuring at best the bird would fall into the lake and have to be rescued for rehabilitation at a clinic.
"It's safe to say no one had any confidence that I could do that," Sandholdt said of his proposed sharpshooting. "My buddies were waiting for a poof of feathers."
Sandholdt bent a tree sapling over to use as a brace. He used the muzzleloader's scope to take aim, and the bullet traveled 60 to 70 feet, cleanly through the edge of the knothole. Sandholdt figures he hit the talon, too.
The eagle flew away. Officers waited for it to collapse. Instead, the bird kept flying, disappearing over the horizon.
"Wow, now that's what I call sharpshooting.

Word Of The Day

EUPHEMISM
Use of an inoffensive word or phrase in place of a more distasteful one, flattery, mellifluous.

Food Fight

He got angry with the Italian chef and gave him a pizza his mind.

A Mothers Love

There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.

Elvis Goes Postal

1993- Jan 8
A 29-cent U.S. postage stamp bearing the likeness of a 1950s-era Elvis Presley is issued at a post office near the King's Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tenn. The U.S. Postal Service held a vote in 1992 in which fans chose the '50s Elvis 851,200 to 277,723 over an older Elvis.

Elvis

On January 8th

1973
Elvis Presley sues Priscilla Presley for divorce.

1935
Elvis Presley is born in Tupelo, Miss., one of a pair of twins. His brother Jessie is stillborn. Billboard ranks him as the top pop recording artist of all time with 17 No. 1 songs.

Elvis would have been 72 today. Happy Birthday to The King.

A Year

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

Family Traits

Whichever hand you use to hold the phone to your ear is the same hand everyone else in your family is likely to use.
That's the word from author David Bodanis, who says the preference for holding the phone in one hand, no matter whether individuals are right- or left-handed, is one of two curious family traits.
In his book, The Secret Family, Bodanis also outlines the other trait: "Which thumb you put on top when you sit with thumbs crossed over folded hands. It's passed on culturally, not genetically, but it is usually 100 percent consistent among the kids in one family," he writes.

This Day In History

On January 6
1540
King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife.
1838
Samuel Morse publicly demonstrates the telegraph for the first time at the Speedwell Iron Works in Morristown, NJ.
1919
Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt, 26th U.S. President, dies in Oyster Bay, NY.
1930
The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York City, NY.
1941
President Franklin Roosevelt defines 4 freedoms worth defending (speech, religion, from want, from fear) in his State of the Union address.
1945
The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 77,000 Allied casualties.
1952
"Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United States.
1975
"Wheel of Fortune" premieres with host Chuck Woolery. (Pat Sajak will join the show in 1981.)
1975
The Broadway premiere of "The Wiz" opened.
1994
Figure skater, Nancy Kerrigan, was clubbed on the right leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya Harding's ex-husband.
1997
40 years after his father moved the Dodgers from Brooklyn to Los Angeles, owner Peter O'Malley announces he has put the baseball team up for sale.
1999
The 106th U.S. Congress opened. The first item on the agenda was the impeachment proceedings of President Bill Clinton. The trial was set to begin January 7, 1999.
1999
Bob Newhart received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Needy

You're Fired

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation:

"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."

SAG Picks

The nomines for the SAG Awards have been announced. Who do you think will win? Make your picks from the listing below. I will highlight my choices for winners. Let's see what you think.

Nominees for the 13th annual Screen Actors Guild awards:

Movies:
Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, "Blood Diamond"; Ryan Gosling, "Half Nelson"; Peter O'Toole, "Venus"; Will Smith, "The Pursuit of Happyness"; Forest Whitaker, "The Last King of Scotland."

Actress: Penelope Cruz, "Volver"; Judi Dench, "Notes on a Scandal"; Helen Mirren, "The Queen"; Meryl Streep, "The Devil Wears Prada"; Kate Winslet, "Little Children."

Supporting actor: Alan Arkin, "Little Miss Sunshine"; Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Departed"; Jackie Earle Haley, "Little Children"; Djimon Hounsou, "Blood Diamond"; Eddie Murphy, "Dreamgirls."

Supporting actress: Adriana Barraza, "Babel"; Cate Blanchett, "Notes on a Scandal"; Abigail Breslin, "Little Miss Sunshine"; Jennifer Hudson, "Dreamgirls"; Rinko Kikuchi, "Babel."

Cast: "Babel," "Bobby," "The Departed," "Dreamgirls," "Little Miss Sunshine."
---
Television:
Actor in a movie or miniseries: Thomas Haden Church, "Broken Trail"; Robert Duvall, "Broken Trail"; Jeremy Irons, "Elizabeth I"; William H. Macy, "Nightmares & Dreamscapes"; Matthew Perry, "The Ron Clark Story."

Actress in a movie or miniseries: Annette Bening, "Mrs. Harris"; Shirley Jones, "Hidden Places"; Cloris Leachman, "Mrs. Harris"; Helen Mirren, "Elizabeth I"; Greta Scacchi, "Broken Trail."

Actor in a drama series: James Gandolfini, "The Sopranos"; Michael C. Hall, "Dexter"; Hugh Laurie, "House"; James Spader, "Boston Legal"; Kiefer Sutherland, "24."

Actress in a drama series: Patricia Arquette, "Medium"; Edie Falco, "The Sopranos"; Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"; Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"; Chandra Wilson, "Grey's Anatomy."

Actor in a comedy series: Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"; Steve Carell, "The Office"; Jason Lee, "My Name Is Earl"; Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"; Tony Shalhoub, "Monk."


Actress in a comedy series: America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty"; Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives"; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, "The New Adventures of Old Christine"; Megan Mullally, "Will & Grace"; Mary-Louise Parker, "Weeds"; Jaime Pressly, "My Name Is Earl."

Drama series cast: "24,""Boston Legal,""Deadwood,""Grey's Anatomy,""The Sopranos."

Comedy series cast: "Desperate Housewives,""Entourage,""The Office,""Ugly Betty,""Weeds."

Happy Birthday

Happy 22nd Birthday

Natalie

I love you!

Full Moon

Today is the full moon. Go out this evening and gaze up at the lunar orb. I am always in awe of it's beauty and the mystical power it radiates.

Resolutions

Did you make any New Year resolutions? I have to confess that I actually gave that up years ago. Mostly because it seems like typical resolutions focus on the negative – to stop doing something or to restrict yourself in some way. Instead, I find that it's better to go at things from a positive point of view. You give yourself a much better chance of succeeding when you emphasize what you want to welcome into your life, rather than what you don't want anymore.
So what I do to help things along even more is to give those hopes and wishes a physical form by making myself a special calendar. After all, you need a calendar for the new year, don't you? It's simple and fun, and you might like to try it . First, you can get a simple, cheap calendar from one of those discount stores. Then, take some construction or scrapbook paper and cut pieces to the size to fit over the pictures that are on the calendar already and then glue the pieces over the pictures.
Next comes the fun part. Look for pictures from magazines or catalogs or print out images from the Web that represent what you want to come into your life. You can combine these with phrases from headlines or ads or write out your own encouraging words. Then arrange and glue them over the construction paper, and you'll have a visual reminder all year that acts like a trigger for what you want to attract into your life.
After all, if you can see it, you'll believe it!

Chocolate Quiz

Who do you think consumes the most chocolates: Americans, the Swiss or the Danes? Suprisingly, it's the Danes who consume an annual average of 30 pounds per person, according to The Washington Post.
The paper also reports that -- despite their penchant for producing dark chocolate -- the Swiss are second with 22 pounds.
And Americans? We consume only 11.7 pounds per person.

2007

May the new year be filled
with love, laughter, health,
wealth and happiness.