TGIT

A ding bat was bopping around the office one day cheerfully greeting everyone with T-G-I-F! Most people just smiled but one grumpy coworker replied with S-H-I-T. The greeter stopped dead in her tracks, intending to right this travesty of joy. She explained to the man......NO, T-G-I-F... you know, "Thank God its Friday??"
The man shakes his head and says NO, S-H-I-T... "Sorry Hon It's Thursday."


My work week runs Sunday through Thursday, so my Thursday equates to everyone else's Friday.
TGIT! Thank God it's Thursday.

Harvest Moon

Harvest Moon
by Neil Young

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.

But there's a full moon risin'
Let's go dancin' in the light
We know where the music's playin'
Let's go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all of my heart.

But now it's gettin' late
And the moon is climbing high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

Letter From Camp

Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in
case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are
okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got
washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because
we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when
it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and
tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the
cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue
jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam
in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a
hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did
tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably
didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on
a fire, the gas will blow up? Talk about cool!! The
wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and
also some of our clothes. Matth ew is going to look
weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith
gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the
wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left.
Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you
have to expect something to break down; that's
probably why he can't get insurance.We think it's a
neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if
it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders.
It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for
24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until
the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is
good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to
drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any
cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the
rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster
Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam
was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's
concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he
let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can
still see some of the trees under the water from the
flood. Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some
scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life
jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on
the bus so we are trying not to cause him any
trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit
badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his
arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven
and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it
chicken. He said they got sick that way with food
they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and
became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out
how to get things done better while he was doing his
time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our
letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don 't worry
about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn
to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love,
Rickey

Fall Equinox

Today marks the first day of Autumn, my favorite season. I love the colors of turning leaves, pumpkins, corn in the fields, apple cider, the crispness of the air, the harvest, football, bonfires and the holidays of Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Hearing Test

What a woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!

What a man hears:

blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

Hearing Impaired

A man went to see a faith healer and said, "Can you please help me with my hearing?"
The faith healer said, "Of course!" He proceeded to put his hands on the man's ears, and meditated for a few minutes.
The faith healer said, "Okay, how is your hearing now?"
And, the man said, "I don't know, my hearing isn't until 9:30 A.M. next Tuesday".

Tunesmiths From A-Z

It's time to play musical chairs.

List your favorite Artists/Bands from A to Z.

(My Picks)

A- Aerosmith
B- Bon Jovi
C- CSN
D- Dire Straits
E- Eagles
F- Fleetwood Mac
G- Genisis
H- John Hiatt
I- Indigo Girls
J- Journey
K- Kansas
L- Kenny Loggins
M- Shawn Mullins
N- Nickel Back
O- Sinead O'Connor
P- Poco
Q- Queen
R- Bonnie Raitt
S- Bruce Springsteen
T- James Taylor
U- U-2
V- Van Morrison
W- Wynonna
X- X-treme
Y- Neil Young
Z- Warren Zevon

Mile Stones

Tomoji Tanabe, the world's oldest man, turns 112.

The world's oldest person, 114-year-old Edna Parker
of Shelbyville, Ind., was born on April 20, 1893,
according to Guinness World Records.

German Autobahn turns 75.

Digital Smiley Face turns 25.

Watch Out, She's Gonna Blow!

The local grocery store always has a "bargain" cart parked near the entrance. The other day the special was a cart full of canned baked beans. The sign attached read "Blow Out Sale" I had a good, sophomoric chuckle over that one.

Gems

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
- Chinese proverb

Bath Tub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"

Ricky, Don't Lose That Number!

Grab a calculator and have some fun with numbers.


1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the Area
code)
2. Multiply by 80
3. Add 1
4. Multiply by 250
5. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
7. Subtract 250
8. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer ??

Color Your World

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A Bone To Pick

Do you know how to argue? Now, nobody really likes an argument, but sometimes you can find yourself in the middle of one, sometimes wondering how you got there. And this could happen in the workplace or with your nearest and dearest. How do you cope?

Frankly, I think that the stress a lot of us feel nowadays often plays a part behind a lot of arguments. To help relieve any stress, as well as to argue in a constructive manner, you need to "keep your cool." Under stress, our emotions are apt to explode, and we're not thinking clearly. What can start out as a discussion about, say, taking out the garbage, can escalate into name calling and a recital of old resentments. And of course, we're all familiar with the modern incidents of road rage.

If there's something you need to discuss with someone, stay focused on what point you want to make. If you're calm and non-confrontational, it's more likely the person will respond in a similar way. But if someone else starts a discussion from an emotional stance, what do you do then?

Here's a little trick I've found very useful. Take a deep breath (or two or three) until you feel you are relaxed. Once you are breathing in a slow and even manner, this can actually have a relaxing effect on whomever you are with as well. Just as someone else's anger can make you angry too, reflecting back calm can help defuse the situation.

And this also gives you time to focus yourself and get at the real point under discussion. Speaking calmly and getting to the heart of the matter, rather than reacting to meet the other person's emotional level, can help you keep a discussion from turning into an argument.

The relationships we have with others are too important to harm with arguments. Just remember that you can "clear the air" without saying something you know you'll regret later. Just keep your cool!

Remembering 9-11-01

Z Best Hand Art

Pretty cool hand art, huh?

Color With Coleus

Coleus Cuttings:
If the frost hasn't gotten your coleus yet, take a few cuttings to root in water. Once they've rooted, they can be potted in hanging baskets or pots for indoor color over the winter months.

E-Bay?

To find a bargain go to where the auction is.

The Naked Truth

What the hell? If we keep this stuff up Iowa will be merged into Missouri and we'll all be Hill Billies. Why do I hear banjos and see images of "Deliverance" in my head?


OELWEIN, Iowa - Two men have been arrested for stealing a man's clothes and leaving him to wander around naked, officials said. The victim, a 19-year-old Hazleton man, was taken by two men to a rural area west of Oelwein where the men took his clothes at gunpoint, officials with the Fayette County sheriff's office said.

The investigation began after the sheriff's office received a report of a naked man walking down a county road early Sunday morning.

Deputies searched an Oelwein home later in the day and found the victim's clothes and several guns.

Insanity Abroad

If you jump off a bridge in Paris, you are in Seine.

Light The Night

Recycle and Decorate for Fall!
Create beautiful luminaries to light the way to your door, or give as heartfelt, homemade gifts! These also look beautiful strung in a line from a porch overhang.

1. Take several large, clean cans that are all the same size.
2. Fill the cans halfway with water and place in the freezer until the water is just frozen (be careful - if you leave them in too long, the ice may expand the cans).
3. With a wax crayon, draw a pattern onto the can.
4. Using a hammer and a nail, punch holes along the pattern lines.
5. Remove the ice, insert a candle and voila! Beautiful luminaries to greet your guests.

Love

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -- Robert Frost

Give A Little Bit

Give A Little Bit...wasn't that an old REO Speedwagon song?


I'm sure you're familiar with the old saying that "it is better to give than to receive." This sounds good, but it actually turns out to be true. By giving of your time, help, or money you can improve your own happiness level and even your health. As a matter of fact, giving can be even better for the giver than the receiver.

I found this out reading an article about Dr. Stephen Post, who heads the Institute of Research on Unlimited Love at Case Western Reserve University. There he sponsors scientific studies on how doing good for others can help people lead healthier, happier, and even longer lives.

But his interest in the subject started when he was a young boy growing up in Long Island, New York. Whenever he would get restless or feel down in the dumps, his mother would say, "Well, Stevie, why don't you go out and help somebody?" So he would look around for something to do for someone, like helping a neighbor with a yard chore. And he discovered that helping others really did make him feel better and was rewarding. And that childhood lesson led him to his adult vocation.

Since then, many studies have shown the physical and emotional benefits of giving. There's even a kind of "helper's high" that shows up on MRI brain scans when people donate their time or help to others. In one case, when former heart patients were asked to visit current patients, just to listen and be supportive, those former patients had better health afterwards.

Another study found that seniors who gave their time to various causes tended to live longer. And a study done with high school students who were in a "service learning" program, where they were required to volunteer, showed their grades and moods actually improved.

Rental

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon
with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told
her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his
secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT
FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that
the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary
send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not
sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was
under the impression that:

1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for
$250 with the following note:

"Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to
remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you
don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your
present landlady.