The Tree

EVERYONE NEEDS A TREE LIKE THIS ONE

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and afterhe had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made himlose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one tontruck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, heinvited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door,he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the brancheswith both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazingtransformation...His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his twosmall children and gave his wife a kiss. Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and mycuriosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him doearlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied "I know Ican't helphaving troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troublesdon' t belong in the house with my wife and the children.. So I justhang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God totake care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." "Funnything is," he smiled," when I come out in the morning to pick 'emup there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the nightbefore."

Feather Painting

Eye of God

This is really quite awesome.
It is a real photo taken in space.

Bambi & Thumper

Old Lady Observations

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.


The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers’.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!


The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Bubba

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,

Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.' The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, 'There's Bubba with them two assholes.'

Now You Know

Stewardesses'is the longest word typed with only the left hand ..

And 'lollipop'is the longest word typed with your right hand. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

'Dreamt'is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. ? (Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same sizefrom birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing .

The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,''kayak 'and'level 'are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out.)

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of Chinawalked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rat e of reproduction.

Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Diamond In The Rough

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
- Chinese proverb

The Value of Time

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE.

8-8-8

What a special day for the Olympics to begin.
I watched the impressive opening ceremonies.
All of the people moving in sync, the lights
and animation special effects were awesome.

There are seven people from Iowa competing.
I'm rooting for them all, but especially the
sixteen year old gymnast, Shawn Johnson from
West Des Moines, Iowa.

Let the games begin!

Perseid Meteor Shower

Mark your calendar: The 2008 Perseid meteor shower peaks on August 12th and it should be a good show.

"The time to look is during the dark hours before dawn on Tuesday, August 12th," says Bill Cooke of NASA's Meteoroid Environment Office at the Marshall Space Flight Center. "There should be plenty of meteors--perhaps one or two every minute."

The source of the shower is Comet Swift-Tuttle. Although the comet is far away, currently located beyond the orbit of Uranus, a trail of debris from the comet stretches all the way back to Earth. Crossing the trail in August, Earth will be pelted by specks of comet dust hitting the atmosphere at 132,000 mph. At that speed, even a flimsy speck of dust makes a vivid streak of light when it disintegrates--a meteor! Because, Swift-Tuttle's meteors streak out of the constellation Perseus, they are called "Perseids."

Serious meteor hunters will begin their watch early, on Monday evening, August 11th, around 9 pm when Perseus first rises in the northeast. This is the time to look for Perseid Earthgrazers--meteors that approach from the horizon and skim the atmosphere overhead like a stone skipping across the surface of a pond.

"Earthgrazers are long, slow and colorful; they are among the most beautiful of meteors," says Cooke. He cautions that an hour of watching may net only a few of these at most, but seeing even one can make the whole night worthwhile.

A warm summer night. Bright meteors skipping overhead. And the peak is yet to come. What could be better?

Shootin' The Bull

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand
pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere
and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter

"Want coffee."

The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says .

"Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
leave mess for others to clean up,
disappear for rest of day

Choice

Mae West...
When choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one
I've never tried before.

Solar Eclipse

A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Sun and the Earth so that the Sun is wholly or partially obscured. This can only happen during a new moon, when the Sun and Moon are in conjunction as seen from the Earth. At least two and up to five solar eclipses occur each year on Earth, with between zero and two of them being total eclipses. Total solar eclipses are nevertheless rare at any location because during each eclipse totality exists only along a narrow corridor in the relatively tiny area of the Moon's umbra.

A total solar eclipse is a spectacular natural phenomenon and many people travel to remote locations to observe one.