Maxine's Halloween Special

Things that make you go Hmm!

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, Then it's you!

Male & Female

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them..

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm
them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male ,didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without
it,and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!

Crossing

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken ?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the
price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how
it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Jack O' Lantern

The Irish brought the tradition of the Jack O'Lantern to America. But, the
original Jack O'Lantern was not a pumpkin. The Jack O'Lantern legend goes
back hundreds of years in Irish History.

As the story goes, Stingy Jack was a miserable, old drunk who liked to play
tricks on everyone: family, friends, his mother and even the Devil himself.
One day, he tricked the Devil into climbing up an apple tree. Once the Devil
climbed up the apple tree, Stingy Jack hurriedly placed crosses around the
trunk of the tree. The Devil was then unable to get down the tree. Stingy
Jack made the Devil promise him not to take his soul when he died. Once the
devil promised not to take his soul, Stingy Jack removed the crosses and let
the Devil down.

Many years later, when Jack finally died, he went to the pearly gates of
Heaven and was told by Saint Peter that he was too mean and too cruel and
had led a miserable and worthless life on earth. He was not allowed to enter
heaven. He then went down to Hell and the Devil. The Devil kept his promise
and would not allow him to enter Hell.

Now Jack was scared and had nowhere to go but to wander about forever in the
darkness between heaven and hell. He asked the Devil how he could leave as
there was no light. The Devil tossed him an ember from the flames of Hell to
help him light his way.

Jack placed the ember in a hollowed out Turnip, one of his favorite foods
which he always carried around with him whenever he could steal one. For
that day onward, Stingy Jack roamed the earth without a resting place,
lighting his way as he went with his "Jack O'Lantern".

On all Hallow's eve, the Irish hollowed out Turnips, rutabagas, gourds,
potatoes and beets. They placed a light in them to ward off evil spirits and
keep Stingy Jack away. These were the original Jack O'Lanterns. In the
1800's a couple of waves of Irish immigrants came to America. The Irish
immigrants quickly discovered that Pumpkins were bigger and easier to carve
out. So they used pumpkins for Jack O'Lanterns.

Platform

Repubocrats

I was talking to the little girl of a friend of mine, and she said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Liberal Democrats, were standing there so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'
She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal,' I told her, 'but you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and rake my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds (she's all of 6.) And while her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'
And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her folks still aren't talking to me.

Maxine On Fall

Happy Birthday Mom

ENJOY YOUR SPECIAL DAY
OCTOBER 24TH

Diet

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high,

I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn't have to

be complicated and it would solve my physical

problems. He said just think in colors...

Fill your plate with bright colors... greens,

yellows, reds, etc.

I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's.

And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never knew eating right could be so easy!

Feelings

People May not remember exactly what you did
or what you said ~BUT~
They will always remember how you made them feel!

Fall Color

Gas Up

WHO KNEW THIS???

I have been driving for 30 years... I would think I should have noticed the little secret on my dashboard that was staring me in the face the whole time...I didn't...and I bet you didn't either...

Have you ever rented or borrowed a car and when arriving at the gas station wondered...hmm, which side is the gas cap?
My normal solution was to stick my head out the window, strain my neck and look, try to see in the side mirrors or even get out of the car!
Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to share with you my little secret so you will no longer look foolish or put your neck at risk of injury.

If you look at your gas gauge, you will see a small icon of a gas pump?
The handle of the gas pump will extend out on either the left or right side of the gas pump?
If your tank is on the left, the handle will be on the left? If your tank is on the right, the handle will be on the right. It is that simple!

Golden State?

You know you're from California when...Californians are better because...

Everyone hates cops

You live next door to Mexicans

You say "like" and "for sure" and "right on" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "hell of" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "faded" and "stoked" and "fo sho" and you say them often

You know what real cheese taste like.

All the porn you watch is made here, cause we do it better and that's how it is.

You don't get snow days off because there's only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe, Shasta, and Big Bear.

You can wear sandals all year long.

You go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."

You know 65 mph really means 100.

When someone cuts you off, they get the horn and the finger and high speed chase cuz we don't screw around on the road.

The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

Our governor can kick your governor's ass.

You can go out at midnight.

You judge people based on what area code they live in, and when asked where you're from, you give your area code.

You might get looked at funny by locals when you're on vacation in their state, but when they find out you're from California you turn into a Greek GOD.

We don't stop at stop signs... we do a "California roll"
No cop no stop baby!

You can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day.

All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

EVERYONE smokes weed. No exceptions.

We're the Golden State. Not the Cheese State. Not the Garden State.....GOLDEN!!!

We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

We have the most representation in the House of Representatives, which means our opinion means more than yours, which means we're better than you.

The best athletes come from here.

We got Disneyland....!

We have The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which is way better than Starbucks.

We call it soda, not pop.

Oh, and no one from California calls it Cali... that's how we know you're not from around here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

Your sense of direction=Toward the ocean and away from the ocean.

You eat an In n Out burger at least once a week!!!

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son/brother is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

You don't care what race people are because you're too busy wondering what gender they are.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.

Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

The normal symbols on restrooms mean "people wearing pants" and "people wearing skirts".

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S &M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

Both you AND your dog have therapists.

You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class.

You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.

Symbol

A Knights Tale

King Arthur and the Witch:

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed.. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now ...what is the moral to this story?

The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly

Crisp

CRAN-APPLE CRISP


4 medium tart apples, peeled and chopped
2 cups cranberries
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 1/2 cups quick-cooking oats
1 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/3 cup packed brown sugar

Combine apples and cranberries in a greased 13x9 in. baking dish.
Sprinkle with sugar, spices and lemon juice.
Toss oats, walnuts, butter and brown sugar ; sprinkle over fruit.
Bake at 325 degrees F for 1 hour or until golden brown.
Serve warm with ice cream if desired.

Service

I became confused when I heard these terms with reference to the word 'service'.

Internal Revenue 'Service'
Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Provincial, City & County Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those 'service' agencies are doing to us.

I hope you are as enlightened as I am.

Poking Fun

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at
half-mast?
A. They're hiring

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each
arm?
A. A pimp.

Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with a recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the & F'
word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...' and a
southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit !

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

New State Mottos

ALABAMA ~

"Yes, we have electricity"



ALASKA ~

"We also take American money"



ARIZONA ~

"But It's a Dry Heat"



ARKANSAS ~

"Litterasy Ain't Everthing"



CALIFORNIA ~

"As Seen on TV"



COLORADO ~

"If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother"



CONNECTICUT ~

"Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character"



DELAWARE ~

"We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water"



FLORIDA ~

"Ask Us About Our Grandkids"



GEORGIA ~

"We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism"



HAWAII ~

"Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru"
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)



IDAHO ~

"Potatoes and Neo Nazi's ... What More
Could You Ask For?"



ILLINOIS ~

"Please Don't Pronounce the "S"



INDIANA ~

"2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free"



IOWA ~

"We Do Amazing Things With Corn"



KANSAS ~

"Where Science Don't Mean Shit"



KENTUCKY ~

"Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names"



LOUISIANA ~

"We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign"



MAINE ~

"We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster"



MARYLAND ~

"A Thinking Man's Delaware"



MASSACHUSETTS ~

"Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
(For Most Tax Brackets)



MICHIGAN ~

"First Line of Defense From the Canadians"



MINNESOTA ~

"10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000 Mosquitoes"



MISSISSIPPI ~

"Come Feel Better About Your Own State"



MISSOURI ~

"Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work"



MONTANA ~

"Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else"



NEBRASKA ~

"Ask About Our State Motto Contest"



NEVADA ~

Two words - "Whores and Poker"



NEW HAMPSHIRE ~

"Go Away and Leave Us Alone"



NEW JERSEY ~

"You Want a Frickin' Motto? I Got Yer Frickin' Motto Right Here!"



NEW MEXICO ~

"Lizards Make Excellent Pets"



NEW YORK ~

"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney..."



NORTH CAROLINA ~

"Tobacco is a Vegetable"



NORTH DAKOTA ~

"We Really are One of the 50 States!"



OHIO ~

"At Least We're Not Michigan"



OKLAHOMA ~

"Like the Play, only No Singing"



OREGON ~

"Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner"



PENNSYLVANIA ~

"Cook With Coal"



RHODE ISLAND ~

"We're Not REALLY An Island"



SOUTH CAROLINA ~

"Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender"



SOUTH DAKOTA ~

"Closer Than North Dakota"



TENNESSEE ~

"The Educashun State"



TEXAS ~

"Si' Hablo Ing'les"
(Yes, I speak English)



UTAH ~

"Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus"



VERMONT ~

"Yep"



VIRGINIA ~

"Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?"



WASHINGTON ~

"Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!"



WASHINGTON D.C. ~

"Got crack?"



WEST VIRGINIA ~

"One Big Happy Family - No, really!"



WISCONSIN ~

"Come Cut Our Cheese"



WYOMING ~

"Where men are men and sheep are scared"

Politics

Celtic Halloween

Halloween - A Celtic Tradition

Many of the ancient peoples of Europe marked the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter by celebrating a holiday in late autumn. The most important of these holidays to influence later Halloween customs was Samhain, a holiday observed by the ancient Celts. Among the Celts, Samhain marked the end of one year and the beginning of the next. It was one of four Celtic holidays linked to important transitions in the annual cycle of seasons.

Samhain began at sundown on October 31 and extended into the following day. According to the Celtic pagan religion, known as Druidism, the spirits of those who had died in the preceding year roamed the earth on Samhain evening. The Celts sought to ward off these spirits with offerings of food and drink. The Celts also built bonfires at sacred hilltop sites and performed rituals, often involving human and animal sacrifices, to honor Druid deities.

By the end of the 1st century ad, the Roman Empire had conquered most of the Celtic lands. In the process of incorporating the Celts into their empire, the Romans adapted and absorbed some Celtic traditions as part of their own pagan and Catholic religious observances. In Britain, Romans blended local Samhain customs with their own pagan harvest festival honoring Pomona, goddess of fruit trees. Some scholars have suggested that the game of bobbing for apples derives from this Roman association of the holiday with fruit.

Pure Celtic influences lingered longer on the western fringes of Europe, especially in areas that were never brought firmly under Roman control, such as Ireland, Scotland, and the Brittany region of northwestern France. In these areas, Samhain was abandoned only when the local people converted to Christianity during the early Middle Ages, a period that lasted from the 5th to the 15th century. The Roman Catholic Church often incorporated modified versions of older religious traditions in order to win converts. For example, Pope Gregory IV sought to replace Samhain with All Saints’ Day in 835. All Souls’ Day, closer in spirit to Samhain and modern Halloween, was first instituted at a French monastery in 998 and quickly spread throughout Europe. Folk observances linked to these Christian holidays, including Halloween, thus preserved many of the ancient Celtic customs associated with Samhain.

Halloween traditions thought to be incompatible with Christianity often became linked with Christian folk beliefs about evil spirits. Although such superstitions varied a great deal from place to place, many of the supernatural beings now associated with Halloween became fixed in the popular imagination during the late Middle Ages and the Renaissance (14th to 17th century). The jack-o’-lantern, originally carved from a large turnip rather than a pumpkin, originated in medieval Scotland. Various methods of predicting the future, especially concerning matters of romance and marriage, were also prominent features of Halloween throughout the British Isles.

Between the 15th and 17th centuries, Europe was seized by a hysterical fear of witches, leading to the persecution of thousands of innocent women. Witches were thought to ride flying brooms and to assume the form of black cats. These images of witches soon joined other European superstitions as symbols of Halloween.

Martha Vs Maxine

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.


Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!


To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.


Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. &nb sp; Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.


When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.


Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!


If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'


If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'


Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for week s.


Celery? Never heard of it!


Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.


The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.


Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.


Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!


If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.


Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.


Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cub es for future use in casseroles and sauces.


Leftover wine? HELLO!!