A Bone To Pick

Do you know how to argue? Now, nobody really likes an argument, but sometimes you can find yourself in the middle of one, sometimes wondering how you got there. And this could happen in the workplace or with your nearest and dearest. How do you cope?

Frankly, I think that the stress a lot of us feel nowadays often plays a part behind a lot of arguments. To help relieve any stress, as well as to argue in a constructive manner, you need to "keep your cool." Under stress, our emotions are apt to explode, and we're not thinking clearly. What can start out as a discussion about, say, taking out the garbage, can escalate into name calling and a recital of old resentments. And of course, we're all familiar with the modern incidents of road rage.

If there's something you need to discuss with someone, stay focused on what point you want to make. If you're calm and non-confrontational, it's more likely the person will respond in a similar way. But if someone else starts a discussion from an emotional stance, what do you do then?

Here's a little trick I've found very useful. Take a deep breath (or two or three) until you feel you are relaxed. Once you are breathing in a slow and even manner, this can actually have a relaxing effect on whomever you are with as well. Just as someone else's anger can make you angry too, reflecting back calm can help defuse the situation.

And this also gives you time to focus yourself and get at the real point under discussion. Speaking calmly and getting to the heart of the matter, rather than reacting to meet the other person's emotional level, can help you keep a discussion from turning into an argument.

The relationships we have with others are too important to harm with arguments. Just remember that you can "clear the air" without saying something you know you'll regret later. Just keep your cool!