Word Of The Day

HYPERBOLE - purposeful exaggeration for effect, overstatement, magnification.

This Day In History

On August 31 I wouldn't suggest flying on this day.
1852
The first pre-stamped envelopes were created with legislation of the U.S. Congress.
1888
Mary Ann "Polly" Nicholls was found murdered in London. The murder is generally accepted as the first "Jack the Ripper" crime.
1903
A "Packard" automobile became the first car to cross the U.S. under its own power. The trip from San Francisco, CA, to New York City, NY, took 52 days.
1946
Superman returned to radio on the Mutual Broadcasting System after being dropped earlier in the year.
1959
Sandy Koufax set a National League record by striking out 18 hitters.
1964
California officially became the most populated state in America.
1969 *
The boxer Rocky Marciano died in an airplane crash in Iowa.
1988 *
A Delta Boeing 727 crashed during takeoff at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport in Texas. Fourteen people were killed in the accident that was later blamed on the crew's failure to set the wing flaps in their proper position.
1990
East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the harmonizing of political and legal systems.
1994
A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
1997
Princess Diana of Wales died at age 36 in a car crash in Paris. Her companion, Dodi Fayed, and their chauffeur were also killed.
1998
Titanic became the first movie in North America to earn more than $600 million.
1999 *
At least 69 people were killed when a Boeing 737 crashed just after take off in Buenos Aries, Argentina.

Stuck On You

When crazy glue was invented lots of people became attached to it.

Chautauqua

A friend was visiting me this weekend and we toured some of the area parks, hiking and taking nature photos. One of the parks we visited is called Chautauqua Park. We both commented that lots of towns have parks by that name. I knew it was an Indian word but had forgotten the meaning. So, being the curious person that I am I did some research on the subject.The history is indeed interesting. The Indian meaning is two moccasins tied together or a bag tied in the middle. I have also seen it to mean jumping fish.

The Chautauquawas a popular educational movement of the late 19th and early 20th centuries in the United States. Chautauqua assemblies expanded and spread throughout rural America until the mid 1920s. When the Chautauqua came to town, it brought entertainment for the whole community, with speakers, teachers, musicians, entertainers and specialists of the day.

History
The first Chautauqua was organized by Methodist minister John H. Vincent and businessman Lewis Miller, in 1874. Two years earlier, Vincent, editor of the Sunday School Journal, had begun to train Sunday school teachers in an outdoor summer school format. The gatherings grew in popularity and were given a home at a campsite on the shores of Chautauqua Lake, New York, which later became the Chautauqua Institution.
The educational summer camp format proved to be a popular choice for families and was widely copied. Within a decade Chautauqua assemblies sprang up in locations across North America. As the independent assemblies began to compete for the best performers and lecturers, lyceum bureaus assisted with bookings.
Keith Vawter, a Redpath Lyceum Bureau manager, came up with a new method of organizing a series of touring Chautauquas. Circuit Chautaugua began in 1904. In Vawter’s schema, each performer, or group, appeared on a particular day of the program. Thus “first day” talent would move on to other Chautauquas, followed by the “second day” performers, and so on, throughout the touring season. By the mid-1920s when circuit Chautauquas were at their peak, they appeared in over 10,000 communities to audiences of more than 45 million.


Events
Lectures were the mainstay of the Chautauqua. Topics included current events, travel, and stories, often with a comedic twist. William Jennings Bryan, with his populist and evangelical message addressing topics such as temperance, was the most popular Chautauqua speaker, until his death in 1925. Maud Ballington Booth, the "Little Mother of the Prisons," was another popular performer on the circuit. Booth’s descriptions of prison life would move her audiences to tears and rouse them to reform. On a lighter note, author Opie Read's stories and homespun philosophy endeared him to audiences.


Music
Music was important to Chautauqua. Band music was much in demand. John Phillip Sousa protégé Bohumir Kryl’s Bohemian Band was frequently seen on the circuit. One of the numbers featured by Kryl was the “Anvil Chorus” from Il Trovatore with four husky timpanists in leather aprons hammering on anvils shooting sparks (enhanced through special effects) across the darkened stage. Spirituals were also popular. White audiences appreciated seeing African-Americans performing other than minstrelsy. Other musical features of the Chautauqua included opera, Jubilee Singers singing a mix of spirituals and popular tunes and other singers and instrumental groups playing popular music, ballads and songs from the “old country.” 2006 The Willowz a Rock Pop combo produced by Ena Paul Kostabi, from Southern California title their collection of songs "chautauqua".


Political context
Chautauquas can be viewed in the context of the populist ferment of the late 19th century. Manifestos such as the "Populist Party Platform" voiced a disdain for political corruption and championed the plight of the common people in the face of the rich and powerful.

Word Of The Day

Chautauqua \Chau*tau"qua\ a meeting, usually held in the summer outdoors or under a temporary tent, providing public lectures combined with entertainment such as concerts and plays. It originated in the village of Chautauqua, N. Y., in 1874, and was popular in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
The Indian meaning is two moccasins tied together or a bag tied in the middle.

Word Of The Day

OENOLOGY - the science of winemaking.

The GravyTrain

The gravy train - make that the sausage, biscuits and gravy train - just kept on rolling in most of America last year, with 31 states showing an increase in obesity.
Mississippi continued to lead the way. An estimated 29.5 percent of adults there are considered obese. That's an increase of 1.1 percentage points.
Meanwhile, Colorado remains the leanest state. About 16.9 percent of its adults are considered obese. That mark was also up slightly from last year's report, but not enough to be considered statistically significant.
The only state that experienced a decrease in the percentage of obese adults last year was Nevada.
"Low-income populations tend to experience all the health problems we worry about at greater rates."
Indeed, the five states with the highest obesity rates - Mississippi, Alabama, West Virginia, Louisiana and Kentucky - exhibit much higher rates of poverty than the national norm.
Meanwhile, the five states with the lowest obesity have less poverty. They are Colorado, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Vermont.

Freaky Stuff

1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Highlight the Q33 N
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS



Freaky isn't it!?

Old Mens Woes

Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning, I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out!"

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning, at 8:30, I have to take a shit but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible!"

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning, at 7:30, I piss like a racehorse and, at 8:30, I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is . . . I don't wake up till eleven!"

An Irish Bartenders Words Of Wisdom

Mr. Dooley's sardonic observations.
Prompted by a series of questions from one of his patrons he unleashed his wit on a variety of topics, from politics to marriage to aging.
"Our virtues are self-limiting, but our vices run on forever "Trust everyone, but cut the cards "In the old days, we didn't care what we taught the children as long as it was unpleasant for them "A man can be right and be president, but not at the same time and "A woman is as old as she looks to the man who likes looking at her."

A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.

Football Trivia

August 27 in 1921 the owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football team for Green Bay. WI.
J.E. Clair paid tribute to those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay Packers.
Go Cheese Heads!

Word Of The Day

AMBIGUOUS - doubtful or uncertain, able to be interpreted several ways, vague.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Word Of The Day

MARQUETRY - inlaid work forming a pattern or picture, especially in furniture.

I Do?

To some, marriage is a word; to others, a sentence.

Word Of The Day

KISMET - fate or destiny.

On The Job Humor

I am a customer-service representative for a copier-repair company. One of our accounts is a nudist campground, and I was sent to fix their machine. When I arrived, I was greeted by a man wearing nothing but tennis shoes and a smile. "What seems to be the problem?" I asked. "The copier," he casually replied, "is streaking."

Pluto Demoted

What's next? They will tell me there is no Goofy .
Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.
After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is - and isn't - a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have labored since Copernicus without one.
Although astronomers applauded after the vote, Jocelyn Bell Burnell - a specialist in neutron stars from Northern Ireland who oversaw the proceedings - urged those who might be "quite disappointed" to look on the bright side.
"It could be argued that we are creating an umbrella called 'planet' under which the dwarf planets exist," she said, drawing laughter by waving a stuffed Pluto of Walt Disney fame beneath a real umbrella.
The decision by the prestigious international group spells out the basic tests that celestial objects will have to meet before they can be considered for admission to the elite cosmic club.
For now, membership will be restricted to the eight "classical" planets in the solar system: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.
Much-maligned Pluto doesn't make the grade under the new rules for a planet: "a celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit."
Pluto is automatically disqualified because its oblong orbit overlaps with Neptune's.
Instead, it will be reclassified in a new category of "dwarf planets," similar to what long have been termed "minor planets." The definition also lays out a third class of lesser objects that orbit the sun - "small solar system bodies," a term that will apply to numerous asteroids, comets and other natural satellites.

No Butts About It

Hoping to makes some money on sales commissions, I took a job as a telemarketer. With a prepared script and a list of 300 names, I started my calls. "Congratulations," I'd say. "You've just won a Christmas ham." For four hours, as soon as I got the opening pitch out of my mouth, the prospects hung up. Meanwhile, the other telemarketers were making sales right and left. When my supervisor came by to check on my progress, I asked what I was doing wrong. "Perhaps it's the list," he said, handing me another one. "You've been calling the members of Temple Israel."

Twisted

Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food?

Word Of The Day

QUOTIDIAN - occurring daily; common place, mundane, routine.

All Aboard!

Those who steal trains must have a loco-motive.

Wedding Plans...Meow !

Her wedding was fast approaching, and my friend was delighted to hear that her mom, emerging from a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress. Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her new young stepmother had purchased the same dress. She asked her stepmother to buy another dress, since her mom had already altered her purchase. Her stepmother refused. After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, the bride's mom found a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve. When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied, "I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

Word Of The Day

JETTISON - to castoff, throw cargo overboard.

A Tired Joke

Did you hear about the tire dealer who was having a blowout sale?

Superman Reduced To Man

An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.
"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.
The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.
The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy.
There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said.

Word Of The Day

AMELIORATE - to make better; to improve, amend, help.

Fingernail Frenzy

Fingernails grow an average of .02 inch each week, but if you're left-handed, the nails on your left hand will grow faster than those on your right. According to Amazing Facts About Your Body, the nail on the middle finger grows faster than all the others. And, in case you ever wondered, it is possible to transplant fingernails.

Puny Stuff

A motorcycle rider with bad teeth is the leader of the plaque.

Word Of The Day

EFFICACY- effectiveness.

New Drug

NEW DRUG FROM MERCK:
(Couldn't we all use this?)
Depressed? Over worked? Job suck? Unappreciated? Family problems? Money worries?
Well, here's the pill for you:
FUKITOL 1000 mg
When life just blows, FUKITOL

Word Of The Day

INEBRIATE - to make drunk.

Let's Have A Drink

Want to learn about somebody's character? Don't bother asking for their Zodiac sign; get them to order an alcoholic drink instead.According to the Journal of Substance Abuse:
Wine drinkers are college educated and drink in moderation, usually with meals.
Beer drinkers have limited educations. They usually drink at times other than meal time.
Whiskey drinkers hang out at bars.
Wine cooler drinkers are usually single and have limited educations.

Strip Poker - I'm All In

Up to 200 strip poker players will compete Saturday to see who will lose their shirts -- and more -- and who will scoop 10,000 pounds by retaining their clothes and modesty.
Organized by Irish bookmaker Paddy Power, the inaugural World Strip Poker Championship takes place at the prestigious Cafe Royal in central London with players battling it out in games of "No Limit Texas Hold 'em."
"We are holding the competition because we got so much interest from our spoof April Fool this year about a strip poker competition that we thought, 'why not? let's do it for real," Paddy Power's Darren Haines told Reuters Friday.
He said players of both sexes from over 12 countries would battle it out for the "Gold Fig Leaf" trophy and the right to revel in the title of World Strip Poker Champion.
Aside from strict rules governing the poker play, Paddy Power has laid down clear guidelines on the stripping element -- most importantly that each player starts the match by wearing five items of clothing supplied by the organizers.
Each contestant will be given a towel to sit on and to cover themselves when naked, but only after they have stripped completely.
"Inappropriate behavior," will not be tolerated, said Paddy Power.

Word Of The Day

COMPEER- a peer, colleague, friend, comrad.

Why Parents Drink

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave! a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman" Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again! , whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter." Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: "ME."

Music Trivia

In 1964 at the age of 64 Louis Armstrong became the oldest person to have a number one hit, with Hello, Dolly!

Remembering the King

Fans of the King from around the world are in Memphis, Tenn., honoring the 29th anniversary of Elvis Presley's death.
Presley died of heart disease and prescription drug abuse at his Graceland mansion on Aug. 16, 1977. The singer's fans traditionally file past his grave site at Graceland on the eve of the anniversary. A spokesman says as many as 10,000 fans could visit the mansion for this year's vigil.

Winter Squash

For the best flavor and texture, winter squash should be allowed to ripen fully on the vine. Once the vines begin to die back and the shells are hard, the squash is ready to harvest. A light frost improves the flavor by changing some of the starches to sugars, but it will also shorten the shelf life. It's best to pick most of the crop before the first frost is expected, then allow a few to remain on the vine until after a frost. If your crop isn't quite ripe before frost threatens, you can cover the vines with blankets or a heavy mulch to buy a little more time.
Golden Squash Muffins Ingredients:
2 1/4 cups flour
1/3 cup sugar
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/3 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 large egg
3/4 cup cooked, mashed butternut or buttercup squash
1 tsp. grated orange peel
1 cup milk Heat oven to 400 degrees. Grease muffin tin (regular size dozen) with butter. Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in large bowl. Cut in butter with pastry blender (I use clean hands) or knives until mixture is like fine crumbs. Beat egg in a medium bowl; stir in squash, peel and milk. Add to flour mixture until just blended. Fill muffin cups 3/4 cups full. Bake 20-25 minutes until lightly browned and center is done when tested with a toothpick. Makes 12 muffins. Serve with butter and honey.

Word Of The Day

PARAMOUR - an illicit lover.

Feeling out of shape, I decided to ride my bicycle to the bank. My staying power soon gave out, and I was visibly tired and sweaty when I finally pulled up to the drive-through window. The teller looked at my disheveled condition. "Do you want to make a deposit or would you like to take out a car loan?" he asked with a straight face.

Word Of The Day

GOURMAND - one who is fond of good eating, often to excess.

Beauty

Word Of The Day

KNISH - a baked turnover usually filled with mashed potato.

I Do Or I Don't ?

Lonely? Feeling low? Try taking a walk -- down the aisle. Getting married enhances mental health, especially if you're depressed, according to a new U.S. study.
The benefits of marriage for the depressed are particularly dramatic, a finding that surprised the professor-student team behind the study."We actually found the opposite of what we expected," said Adrianne Frech, a PhD sociology student at Ohio State University who conducted the study with Kristi Williams, an assistant professor of sociology.
They expected to find that one spouse's depression weighed too much on the marriage, but "just mattering to someone else can help alleviate symptoms of depression," Frech said.
The researchers used a 3,066 person sample that measured symptoms of depression -- such as an inability to sleep, or persistent sadness -- in the same people both before and after their first marriage.
They found that depressed people experienced a much more extreme decrease in the incidence of those symptoms.
"Depressed people may be just especially in need of the intimacy, the emotional closeness and the social support that marriage can provide ... if you start out happy, you don't have as far to go," Williams said.
On the other hand, if you're not depressed, marriage could have the opposite effect, Frech said.
People who were happy before getting married and end up in a marriage plagued by distance or conflict -- qualities associated with a depressed spouse -- might be better off single.
"It seems right to say that people who are not depressed are at risk, that if they marry a depressed person this could be a bad deal for them," Frech said.

Word Of The Day

MERETRICIOUS - gaudy, garish.

Bugged

Flea Facts
When the weather turns warm, everybody comes out to play. And that includes most of the world's 1,350 varieties of fleas, which prefer temperatures of 80 to 85 degrees, and humidity of 75 percent to 85 percent. By the time you've read this, a host of the little critters could be reading this over your shoulder. The familiar cat flea, which is found on both cats and dogs, has a vertically flattened body (for easy travel between hairs), 1/16th to 1/8th-inch long, with three sets of legs. Its spring-like hind legs can propel it 7 feet up or 13 feet forward. With the same capability, a human could jump 250 feet up or 450 forward.

When Fleas disappear they mite be back in a tick.

Word Of The Day

QUIRE - a set of 24 uniform sheets of paper.

Chemistry

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed." -- Carl Jung

Here's some chemistry humor for ya:
Little Bobby was a chemist; Little Bobby is no more. For what he thought was H2O Was really H2SO4.
(H2SO4 is sulfuric acid.)

Word Of The Day

POTENTATE - a person who possesses great power, as a monarch.

Yikes!

Yikes, they are after me.!
Can you imagine seeing this on I-80?
What a way to freak people out. These are actually balloons tied to a truck. What an excellent prank.

Word Of The Day

MARTINET - strict disciplinarian; one who demands exact conformity to rules, authoritarian, moralist.

Crosses

No Crosses on Federal Property!
Did you see in the news last week where the A.C.L.U. doesn't want any crosses on Federal property? Crosses on Federal Property? Let them try and remove these.What are these people thinking?At what point do we say, enough is enough?

Word Of The Day

ESOTERIC - understood by only a few.

Iowans

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM IOWA IF
You've never met any celebrities exceptions for presidential hopefuls
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
Vacation means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
You measure distance in minutes
Down South to you means Missouri
You know several people who have hit a deer
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
You know the answer to the question, :"Is this Heaven?"
Your school classes were canceled because of cold
Your school classes were canceled because of heat
You know where all the Yoders live (or Greiners, or Swartzendrubers)
You know what "hawks" and "clones" are
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
You've ever had to switch from Heat to "A/C" in the same day
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"
You know what's knee high by the Fourth of July
Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
You see people wear bib overalls to a funeral
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with a unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
You can locate Iowa on the map
Detasseling was your first job
You've ever been on a "Geode Hunt"
Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and is accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
You say "catty-wampus" instead of "kitty-corner" see here for etymology
You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
You think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows
When asked how your trip was to any foreign exotic place, you say, "It was different."
Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as governor the whole time you were growing up
You consider being called Pork Queen an honor
People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "O" in them I don't get this one. Can someone help me out?
You carry jumper cables in your car I do!
You drink "pop"
You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean

Word Of The Day

Riposte - retort, comeback.

Musicians Are Sexy

Musicians in bed, use sheet music.

Man does not live by a turkey in every oven or a color TV set in every home. Man lives by faith and hope and love, by the star on the horizon, by the trumpet that will not call retreat.- E. Merrill Root

Word Of The day

MALEDICTION- curse.

The Ladies Room

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smilepolitely and take your place.Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.Every stall is occupied.Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.You get in to find the door won't latch.It doesn't matter.The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy,but empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't -so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in hergrave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper onit, so you hold "The Stance."To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toiletpaper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do.You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.It is still smaller than your thumbnail.Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.It is wet of course.You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncoveredseat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.At that point, you give up.You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.. You're exhausted.You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting.You are no longer able to smile politely to them.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??)You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom.Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?". . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.

Word Of The Day

NUMISMATICS - collection and study of money (coins in particular), coin collecting
chrysology, numismatology.

Countryside

Round Barn in rural Van Buren County, Iowa

I know some people who might want to attend.

Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon", a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.
Stopes International, which is hosting the event with the AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.
"It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness," a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.
"We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos."
Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.
However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.
"The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve," the Web site said.
The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it.
Police had also given it their approval.

A wisecrack for my lawyer friend...

If a lawyer speaks for too long there will be an extended sentence.

Word Of The Day

PISCATORY - of fisherman or fishing.

Friendship

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Word Of The Day

Antipathy - hostility, dislike.

Chucklers

1. Where Do Crazy People Go In The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

2. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?Dam!3. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

4. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

5. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

6. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

7. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

8. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

Word Of The Day

AVARICE - insatiable greed for riches.

Puny Geography

Are you willing Tibet I've never seen a yak?
No, but Alaska if you've seen Turkey fried in Greece.

Field Of Dreams Reunion

Here is some cool news about one of my favorite all-time movies. I always liked the idea of the wife's character being named Annie and the fact that it was filmed right here in Iowa. I might have to go see this.

Kevin Costner has been pretty much a ghost in Dyersville since starring in "Field of Dreams" in 1989.
He hasn't returned to the eastern Iowa town since its famous cornstalks resurrected Shoeless Joe Jackson and other long-dead ballplayers on the big screen 17 years ago.
But now comes word that Costner will return.
The star will appear Aug. 11 at the baseball field in Dyersville as part of a "Rolling Roadshow" tour, in which 10 classic movies are being shown at the sites of their filming.
Netflixorganized the tour, confirmed this week that Costner will make an appearance before the movie is shown on a 30-foot inflatable screen in the outfield.
Costner will play a free concert with his unnamed rock band, followed by the movie.
"We're real excited about it," said Keith Rahe, manager of Left & Center Field of Dreams, a tourist attraction at the site of the movie's ball field. "This is going to be a nice setup."
"Field of Dreams" was an Academy Award nominee and featured one of the most famous movie lines ever: "If you build it, they will come."
"Returning to the 'Field of Dreams' location to play a concert ... has special meaning for me," Costner said in a news release. "The movie was significant in my career, and the band is an important part of my future."

Word Of The Day

LIBERTINE - a person unconstrained by traditional or religious moral restraints; debauchee, wanton.

HEARTFELT

MAY YOU HAVE ALL THAT YOUR HEART DESIRES