Xmas Poll

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Bags for odd shaped gifts and paper wrapped boxes for the rest.

2. Real or artificial tree?
Artificial, less mess and no tree killing.

3. When do you put up the tree?
A couple weeks before Xmas.

4. When do you take the tree down?
Right after the new year.

5. Do you like eggnog?
I love egg nog. Yum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
One year all of us kids got new bikes. Mine was yellow and had a banana seat. Cool.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes

8. Hardest person to buy for?
My dad.


9. Easiest person to buy for?
Sister in law. We have the same tastes.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
I appreciate all gifts, but that potato chip maker never got used. Oops.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Both.


12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
It's a Wonderful Life and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.



13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
I pick up things all year long. I start the day after Xmas and get in on the sales.


14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Yes, boxes of candy I usually pass on.
This year I gave out books I had read to my co-workers.
I told them they were recycled. No sense in wasting the gift of reading.


15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Chex mix and home made candies.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
I like clear white lights and the ornaments providing the color.

12 Days Of Christmas

December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always, Agnes


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December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes


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December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love, Agnes


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December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes


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December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes


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December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Agnes


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December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes


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December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes


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December 22, 1972

Hey Shithead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours! Agnes


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December 23, 1972

You rotten prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you! Agnes


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December 24, 1972

Listen Fuckhead:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy, Agnes


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December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

Ms. Claus

Ms. Claus wishes you the merriest Christmas ever.

The Night Before Christmas

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;



The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;



The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,



But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.



And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.



But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Caroling Christmas Cats

Earth & Sky

'Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'

Wreath On Your Door

I love a wreath on the door during the holiday season.
They are a simple yet cheerful welcoming decoration.

Sky Watch

Mars is closest to earth tonight until 2016 at 55 million miles away. Mars at its closest looks like an exceptionally brilliant reddish “star.” You can tell that it’s Mars, because this ruddy planet shines with a much brighter and steadier light than the twinkling stars. Look for Mars in the east at nightfall.

This Day In History Dec. 18th

On this day in 1865, by proclamation of the U.S. secretary of state, the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution, outlawing slavery, officially entered into force, having been ratified by the requisite states on December 6.

1997: Kim Dae Jung was elected president of South Korea, the first opposition leader in that country's history to win that position.
1917: German General Erich Ludendorff ordered the consolidation of the country's leading motion-picture studios to form UFA (Universum Film Aktiengesellschaft).
1912: The discovery of fossil remains of Piltdown man, an extinct human species, was announced at a meeting of the Geological Society of London, but the remains were later proved to be a fraud.
1886: American baseball player Ty Cobb, an excellent hitter and base runner, was born in Narrows, Georgia.
1787: New Jersey became the third state admitted to the United States when it ratified the U.S. Constitution.
1737: Famed Italian violin maker Antonio Stradivari died in Cremona.

Dan Fogelberg Passes On

Singer-songwriter Dan Fogelberg died on Sunday, three years after being diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He was 56.

Fogelberg, a native of Peoria, Illinois, broke into the music industry in the early 1970s, at a time when it was embracing introspective songwriting, or "soft rock," by such acts as the Eagles and America.

Fogelberg, who distinguished himself with his angelic vocals and lyrics that celebrated beauty and romance, hit his commercial and creative peak in 1981 with "The Innocent Age," which yielded three top-10 singles, "Hard to Say," "Same Old Lang Syne" and "Leader of the Band."

His most recent release, "Full Circle," came out in 2003. The following year, he revealed that he had been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, and urged men over the age of 50 to get tested for the disease.

** I posted this song on my blog about this time last year. It reminded me of a similar experience I had. Bitter-sweet memories in a beautiful song.

Same Old Lang Syne
Dan Fogelberg -

Met my old lover in a grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
Stole behind her in the frozen foods and I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first but then her eyes flew open wide
Tried to hug me and she spilled her purse and we laughed until we cried
Took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totaled up and bagged stood there lost in our embarrassment as the conversation dragged
Went to have ourselves a drink or two but couldn't find an open bar
Bought a six-pack at the liquor store and we drank it in the car
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness but neither one knew how
She said she'd married her an architect
Kept her warm and safe and dry
She said she'd like to say she loved the man but she didn't want to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her and that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record store and that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly but the traveling was hell
We drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast to time
We're living in our eloquence, another old lang syne
The beers were empty and our tongues grew tired and running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out and I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back in school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home the snow turned into rain

Birthday Salute

Wishing My Friend Jeff Cooper A Happy Birthday
I miss you buddy.

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy 71st Birthday Dad.
I love you!

Older Women

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few
reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around
whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more
interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away
with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her
younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you
are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where
you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over
40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself
with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for
free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against
marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig
just to get a little sausage!

Measuring Up

There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend.

Foot Ball Widower

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said "No."

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"

The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"That's really sad," said Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral!"

Pearl Harbor Day

A day that will live in infamy...
66 years ago, on December 7th 1941 Pearl Harbor was attacked by Japan.
Over 2100 lives were lost and the US was propelled into World War II.

Bah Humbug!

This just in from the Bah Humbug files.

A Santa in an Australian department store said on Wednesday he has been fired for saying "ho ho ho" and singing Christmas songs to children.

This PC business has gotten out of hand. Better get every one in line for those computer chip inocculations soon, before those minds of our own get out of control.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the world got it's priorities straight and took action on the big issues instead of this nit-picking BS?