Hot Line

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,
4,5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, don't do anything. We know who you are and what you want. just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press. No one will reply, and nothing
will really ever change anyway.
If you have an Oedipus complex, have your
mother help you press two.
If you have attention deficit disorder, we can't
help you because you have probably already hung
up by now.