Comapany Party

Company Party

THIS YEARS CHRISTMAS PARTY

FROM: Steve Reynolds, Human Resources Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in
the private function room at the Grill House. There will be
a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows
up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at
1.00 p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that
time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the
giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing
Director will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

Steve
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
FROM: Steve Reynolds, Human Resources Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
policy applies to any other employees who are not
Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas
carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Steve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Steve Reynolds, Human Resources Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE : 6th November
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't
sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am
I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much
money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Steve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Steve Reynolds, Human Resources Manager
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
your meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy
bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets,
Gays a re allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not
have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay
men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the
salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high
blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh
fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Steve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Steve Reynolds, Human Resources Manager
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pr@cks I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the
table furthest from the "grill of death", as you
so quaintly put it.

You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them
scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and
die!

The Pr**k from HELL!!!!!!!!!
~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Barry Jack - Acting Human Resources Manager
DATE: 9th November
RE: Steve Reynolds and Xmas Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Steve
Reynolds a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward
your cards to him.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our
Xmas Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the
23rd December off with full pay.