Court Jester

Things said in the courtroom:

* Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
* Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" * Witness: "Yes, sir." * Lawyer: "What did she say?" * Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"
* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" * Witness: "No." * Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" * Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." * Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" * Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--" * Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
* Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?" * Witness: "Yes." * Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?" * Witness: "Oral." * Lawyer: "How old are you?" * Witness: "Oral."
Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"